Feelings
by Terranei Parker
Summary: I've walked beside you. Since the beginning, I've been there. You have, So suddenly, I wondered: Why are you turning away from me? Have I done wrong? ...Have you? SoraRiku
1. Jealousy

Sora was jealous. Sitting atop the paopu tree, he watched his two best friends laugh next to him and felt a twinge of that unpleasant emotion again. Even though they were is closest friends, something in him didn't want Kairi and Riku to be together. He thought he knew that part of himself, but when he went to look at it (to tell it to leave well enough alone) he found it unidentifiable. He decided this was a good thing and forced himself to smile, a little sheepishly.

"Oh, come on. It wasn't _ that _ bad."

"She came to me crying saying it would _ never _ come out." Kairi teased.

"I said I was sorry..." Sora mumbled halfheartedly.

"I can't believe you tripped on your own feet!" Riku laughed.

"I swear, they coat those floors with wax or something." Sora laughed sheepishly, putting his hands behind his head. Kairi and Riku exchanged glances and broke into laughter.

They all sank into that warm feeling one gets after sharing a laugh with friends, and settled in to watch the sunset over the ocean. In a matter of minutes the whole sky was lit up with brilliant shades of orange and red, the passing clouds tinged with pink. The entrancing rays caught the three of them up and held them in wonder. They stayed like that for a while, gazing placidly into the setting sun until Riku broke the silence.

"Nostalgic."

"Hm." Sora agreed.

"Almost makes me want to go see other worlds again." Riku grinned devilishly.

"Not even funny," Kairi pouted at him. Riku smiled at her lightly, and Sora felt that pang again.

"It was a little funny..." Sora put in. This time the smile was directed at Sora, and he basked in its warmth.

"Thank you, Sora. I try my best." He said, teasingly resentful of Kairi's words.

After a while the sun went down completely, and only a few pink rays of sunlight peeked over the horizon. It was getting late, and they needed to get home to bed. The three dispersed and made their way back to where they had left their boats at the makeshift dock. By the time Sora made it back to his room the sun was gone and the sky was lit up with stars. He watched them through his window, pondering the unpleasant feeling in his stomach.

Sora and Riku had been best friends since as long as he could remember, and they and Kairi had been best friends since she mysteriously appeared on the island. Sora didn't want anything to have to come between them. This jealousy just felt so _ wrong _ . He spent so long and worked so hard to get his friends back that he didn't want to lose them for a silly thing like that. He had finally found Riku... Sora fell asleep with the image of Riku and Kairi laughing together drifting in front of his drowsy eyes, and dreamt unpleasant dreams.

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Sora, Riku, and Kairi copyright Disney and SquareEnix.

This is my first attempt at Shonen-ai, so please be gentle, but do tell me what needs improvement so I can fix it for the next chapter. This lovely idea was presented to me by my lovely Neko-chan, so much luffs to her for the inspiration w

Oh, and in case you were wondering what Kairi's talking about, I'm not sure if it will come up in later chapters, but Sora tripped and spilled a strawberry smoothie all over Selphie, who came crying to Kairi complaining about the stain. Just thought I'd let you know.


	2. Frustration

Riku was frustrated. The light was right in front of him, close enough to touch, close enough to hold, and he wanted it so badly... But he couldn't touch it. He didn't deserve to, not after the things he'd done. But it was so hard to hold himself back when all he wanted to do was grab it up, hold it close and never let it go.

He wasn't sure how the fight had begun (something to do with oranges and spelunking) but there they were, facing off, wooden swords at the ready. Sora lunged, but Riku dodged easily and made to hit him from behind. Sora ducked and jumped back to a safe distance. This time Riku was the one to charge, and Sora blocked the hit. They were caught at an impass for a short while until Sora knocked Riku's sword away. After that they matched blow for blow, each strike more fierce than the last. After a while, how the fight had begun no longer mattered and it was as though they were fighting for their very lives. All of Riku's pent up feelings, fears, doubts, anger, he directed at Sora, and Sora threw all of his jealousy and confusion back. It was no longer about who was right, but about who was on top, and both were determined to win. And as they fought, they raged in their minds, though neither spoke a word.

_ Why did all of this have to happen?_

Swing, connect, pull back.

_ Why did you have to leave?_

Swing again, once more connect, pull back.

_ How could I have been so blind?_

Again: swing, connect, pull back.

_ Why did you run away?_

Once more: swing, connect, pull back.

_ Why won't you let me go?_

And again: swing, connect, pull back.

_ Why do you insist on doing everything yourself?_

Swing, connect, pull back!

_ I don't deserve you!_

Keep the pace! Swing, connect, pull back!

_ Please, let me help you!_

Swing, connect, pull back!

_ How can you be so forgiving!?_

_Why do I feel this way!?_

_You should've let me die!_

_What's wrong with me!?_

Last time! Swing, connect, push forward!

They fell to the ground in a pile, Riku pinning Sora down.

"How can you be so perfect?"

Sora looked up at him with innocent, wide blue eyes, and Riku realized that he had said that last aloud.

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Sora and Riku copyright Disney and Square Enix

I'm not very good at fight scenes, but I did my best. In case you couldn't tell, the italics is what Riku and Sora are thinking, switching back and forth between the two. I had a hard time deciding what to do with this chapter, and I wrote most of this at Pazzo's Pizza, and this is what I came up with. I hope you like it:3


	3. Curiosity

Kairi was curious. She watched her best friends fight, cheering for no one in particular, but stopped when it seemed they had forgotten she was there. But she stayed, and watched as they became more and more serious, blow after blow exchanged. She watched in awe as the boys fought for dominance. There was real passion in each of their blows, a ferocity that backed each strike with a sharp sting. She could almost feel the frustration, confusion, anger, flowing through both boys. Had she actually been able to feel it, she would have doubled over in pain from the sheer intensity of the emotions. Each blow was a question, a statement, an idea no longer repressed but released into the world through the rough wood of their swords. She watched the ferocious fight even as it ended, Riku on top. He pinned Sora to the ground and said something she didn't quite hear.

Now she was _ really _ curious, as both boys suddenly looked very shocked, and Riku blushed hotly. He pushed himself off of Sora and stood, looking awkward for a moment, then turn and ran in the opposite direction. Kairi watched him go.

She considered for a moment going to Sora and asking what had happened, but at this point she was curious to see what would happen next. Sora got up after a moment and, looking very confused, stood and stared in the direction Riku had gone, a look of bewilderment on his face, mixed with what could be a bit of sorrow and regret. He scratched his head and, after a moment, turned and left. Kairi watched him go, too.

At this, Kairi pouted. They really _ had _ forgotten she was there. She shrugged it off, deciding that they could hang out later anyway. Or maybe... She went home to ponder what she had seen.

When Kairi woke up the next day, she had her thoughts sorted out a bit more than the day before. She felt that she was nearing a conclusion, and knew exactly what had to be done. There was just one thing she needed: ice cream. She found a little stand not far from her home and bought two Sea Salt Ice Creams, then went in search of Sora. They needed to talk.

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Kairi, Sora, and Riku copyright Disney and SquareEnix

Wow. Shortest chapter ever. Well, I tried to make it longer, but not much really happens here. But don't worry, I promise I'll update soon, and maybe the next chapter will be longer :3

Thank you for the advice, Dark Firesong! -hugglez-


	4. Confusion

Sora was confused. What his friend was saying made no sense whatsoever. How could Riku possibly be shy? His best friend was normally very outgoing. And what could it possibly have to do with yesterday's fight? It just didn't make sense to him.

"You need to talk to him."

"Why doesn't he just talk to me?" He placidly licked the ice cream Kairi had given him. She sighed.

"I told you already, he's too shy." Sora wasn't entirely sure he could buy that. In his mind, Riku had always seemed confident, unfaltering, and certainly not shy in the least.

"Kairi, that doesn't make any sense." He frowned. She frowned back, frustrated at his naivety.

"Just go talk to him," she practically begged him.

"About what?"

"About yesterday!" This was all getting to be too much for Sora. He sat in silence for a while, eating his ice cream.

It was a very interesting ice cream. Sea Salt was probably his favorite flavor, better even than the sweet Paopu ice cream. It's flavor was the kind that you had to savor, wondering at the delicious mixture of salty and sweet. Sora had to wonder how they managed to make ice cream taste salty without putting any salt into it, or maybe they did, he wasn't sure. He would have liked to learn how to make the ice cream, as he ate it so often that it was starting to put a dent in his wallet. He'd tried once, but it ended up tasting strangely of pavement and made a huge mess. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but it went downhill fast when the popsicle mold cracked, allowing just the tiniest trickle of gooey liquid to drip down onto the counter, hardly even noticeable until it was too late and the whole counter was covered in the disgusting stuff. It wasn't easy to clean up either, and took a whole hour of vigorous scrubbing to get completely clean.

"Are you even listening to me, Sora?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Kairi sighed in annoyance. The poor kid was busy daydreaming while their best friend was probably off hiding somewhere praying for minimal damage.

"I said you need to go talk to Riku soon, before it's too late."

"There's a time limit!?" Sora asked, incredulous and suddenly panicked. Here he was thinking about ice cream when there was a friendship at stake! He jumped up and finished his ice cream in one extremely cold bite that left him crippled by brain freeze, and ran out.

"Sora, I didn't mean..." But he was already out the door. Kairi shrugged. At least now something would get done.

Meanwhile, Sora was sprinting across Destiny Island in desperate search of Riku. He honestly had no clue where to look for Riku; they had never fought quite like this before. Sora wasn't even sure if it could be called a fight, but Kairi had made him worry that his friend was upset with him. He couldn't stand for Riku to be angry with him, not after he'd come so close for losing him forever... Yesterday's jealousy and confusion were completely forgotten as he stepped up his search, tormented.

_ Riku... where did you go_

The thought seemed all too familiar, but Sora shook off the feeling of terror it sent through him. He had to find Riku... before it was too late.

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Sora and Kairi copyright Disney and SquareEnix

It is surprisingly difficult to rant about an ice cream you've never tasted before. I'd like to try Sea Salt ice cream... someone go out there and make some. Then... mail it to me or something, I don't know XD

Aye me, the master of short chapters. -.-;; Well, the next (last) chapter is the longest, and kinda a double chapter if you follow my formula, though if it had been two chapters, the last chapter would be meaninglessly short.


	5. Lost in Thought

Riku was bemused. He sat and stared up at the sky through the little gap in the rock that covered the secret place. It was a disaster, and he just wanted to get away from it all. There was no way that Sora could possibly forgive him now. As if it wasn't bad enough that he had run away, caused the temporary destruction of their home, tried to kill Sora, given in to the darkness, attempted to end all existence, and escaped from it all with hardly a scratch... wait, what did he do again? Oh right, he broke his own rule. He let Sora know what he thought of him. Then again, Sora had never been the brightest kid, and there was a chance that he hadn't gotten the rather large hint Riku had accidentally let slip at the end of their sparring match the previous day. Maybe he shouldn't be worried. Or maybe everything was coming to an end.

His world was crashing down around him. Everything was in Sora's hands now. Sora's beautiful, perfect hands... Riku shook his head. This was _not_ the constructive area of thought. He had promised himself that he wouldn't make Sora his, that it wasn't his choice nor his right, but he could feel his resolve slowly breaking. If he didn't get a hold of himself, it would shatter and leave both of them broken and bleeding. Or maybe Sora would be okay, but Riku certainly wouldn't. He wouldn't be able to stand losing the brunette again because of his own stupid actions. He hated himself enough as it was.

Riku was so lost in thought that he didn't hear the approaching footsteps, or the sigh of relief, or even the choked squeaking noise as a rather large mass slammed into him in a gigantic, wet bear hug. For several minutes, a very confused Riku struggled to regain his composure as Sora squeezed him tightly, sobbing.

"OhRikuIfoundyouthankgoodnessIthoughtyou'dgonebuthereyouareandI'msogladyoudidn'tleave!"

"Sora--I--can't--breath!" Riku finally got out over the nonsensical blabber that was spilling out of the younger teen. Sora let go of him and stopped crying.

"Are you mad at me?" Riku looked at the boy holding his shoulders with shock.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Well, Kairi said... nevermind. You're not mad then?"

"Of course not." Sora sighed in relief and let Riku go. Riku stood and offered a hand to help Sora up, which Sora gratefully accepted.

"So then, why did you run away?" Riku had been afraid of this. He knew that the question was inevitable, but at least Sora didn't seem to have caught on. ...Yet. He turned away, slight traces of pink beginning to tint his cheeks.

"I didn't... mean to say that," he said quietly, almost a mumble. Sora tilted his head in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

Riku very nearly smiled at his best friend's naivety. The poor kid could be so stupid at times, but damn he was adorable. Nothing would make him understand but the straight-forward truth, the one thing Riku was not willing to give. No, Riku couldn't tell Sora. He just couldn't. It would ruin everything he'd tried so hard to fix over the past few years. Everything he cared about. Everything he'd worked towards was standing in front of him, giving him a quizzical, bewildered look and Riku couldn't even bring himself to look him in the eye. He couldn't. Because if he did, he knew he would break. And yet, he found himself gazing steadily into those gorgeous blue eyes. When did that happen?

"I mean I love you."

NO! BAD RIKU, BAD! _WHAT DID I JUST SAY? _Oh no, oh GOD no, this is it, this is the end... It's all over. RUN. Run now, while you still can! Turn around and RUN, for God's sake, run as fast and as far as you can, just GET OUT OF THERE.

Sora blinked once, twice, Riku's words not really registering in his head. He could see in Riku's eyes that he was panicking, he could just _tell_ that he wanted to run, so why wasn't he? Was it because of that word? That one word... 'love'. What did it mean, anyway? He could feel it in the back of his mind, but the meaning simply refused to surface.

Riku was freaking out. His mind was saying _run_, but his feet refused to move. He willed them to, begged them, but they simply didn't respond. There was nothing he could do. It only mildly registered in his mind that if he did indeed turn to run, he would hit solid rock, as Sora was between him and the only exit from the cave.

"You..." Sora started, not sure what he was going to say. Riku's mind finally turned itself around and, figuring out what it needed to do, harshly ordered his legs to move, and they obeyed at last. Whatever it was Sora was going to say, it was too late and Riku had already darted past him onto the beach.

Something clicked in the back of his head and Sora ran after his friend, finally understanding the weight of the past day's events, Riku's words, and Kairi's.

_How can you be so perfect?_

_You need to talk to him._

_I already told you, he's too shy!_

_before it's too late..._

_Why would I be mad at you?_

_I love you._

Tears were streaming down his face as he reached the outside of the cave, Riku a few feet ahead of him. Knowing that he could never catch up with Riku at this rate, Sora took his only open option.

"RIKU!!" He screamed as he pounced on the boy in front of him, effectively slamming him down into the sand and knocking the wind out of him long enough to say what he needed to say.

"Don't you even _think_ of running away again! I won't let you go, no matter what. Even if you do leave, I'll hunt you down and drag you back by your hair!" Sora was sitting on Riku's back at this point, and got up only long enough to flip Riku roughly over to look at him before sitting down again, _hard_, on his stomach. Riku grunted in protest at the blow to his gut, but otherwise said nothing, simply watching as the one he loved glared at him through tear-filled eyes.

Sora didn't know what else to say, or how to articulate his feelings into words that could be understood by the severely startled boy underneath him. The two just stared at each other for a while, one not knowing what to do and the other not able to do what he wanted to do most. Finally, Sora's heart got the better of him and he grabbed Riku's shirt with both hands, pulling him up to his face, and kissed him.

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Kairi was satisfied. She felt that she had done something intensely _good_, and was very happy that she had decided to follow Sora. She was happy because, as she watched, her two best friends shared their first kiss some ways in the distance on the beach, in front of the setting sun. She was happy because now everything would be alright.

**END**

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Sora, Riku, and Kairi copyright Disney and SquareEnix

Nyahahahaha... This is t3h end. Sorry, but this just seemed like the perfect ending. Anything more would be extraneous, and at least I put an end to Riku's suffering. ...mostly. This was as far as I wanted to go with this, though, so there is no more. Thank you for reading, and thank you for reviewing, and much luffs to all of you.

If this wasn't enough for you (which I'm sure it probably wasn't) feel free to make a request, as I am often left idealess, and need your help to bring you what you want to read.

Much luffs to all,

-Terranei


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